Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
