I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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