It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
