I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
