Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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