Can i not drive my cunt home
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
