I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
