This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
