Where is the hickey?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
