Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
