8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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