I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
