we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
