yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
