1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
