it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
