I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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