The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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