i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
