Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
