I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Randomize
