after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
