i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
