Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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