it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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