It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
