I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
