I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
