We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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