You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
