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Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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