Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
