I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize