i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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