your parents love me but you hate me
Your face is a jimmy john
"it" just moved
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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