Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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