She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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