Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
