im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
