I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
my liver is dry heaving
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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