I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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