Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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