Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize