I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
