Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
