I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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