ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
