He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
