Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
