even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
