Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
