There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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