Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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