the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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