Heybabeimwearingurpanties
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
This house was built for laser tag.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Randomize
