I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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