Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
