I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
