I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
