my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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