my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
