How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
