I don't think brook has ever known best
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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