she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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