Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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