Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
