I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
