I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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