FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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