Apparently you make a good broom.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
