bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
