How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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