You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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