ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
