I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
