good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
