508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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