Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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