We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
How does one acquire holy water?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
