Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
