hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize