i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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