my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize