Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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