Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
