ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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